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You can – and many people do.
Our advice? Don't.
You are married and although this is not the nineteenth
century and although Kansas
is a "no-fault" state, your spouse may try to use your actions
against you – and in high conflict disputes most likely will.
You and your spouse may have agreed long ago that your
marriage is at an end. You may assume that the end of your loving
relationship means that you can (and should) move on and start your healing
process by starting to meet new people to form new relationships. But the
process of separation and divorce takes many twists and turns. Anger and
jealousy are strong emotions. Emotions are some of the significant factors
that lead to nasty and expensive divorce proceedings.
The courts will probably not pay any attention to allegations
by one spouse that the other has gone out with someone else – whether it allegedly
occurred before or after filing the divorce. However, the judge is not the person who will raise the issue nor the person
whose wrath causes problems.
If you are already involved with another person or
cannot resist dating, prepare yourself for the problems that might arise –
and tell us.
If you are involved in a relationship or if your spouse
suspects you are involved or dating another person, tell us.
It is always better for us to find out from you that you
are involved with someone other than your spouse or that you are dating,
rather than from your spouse or the other attorney, so that we can help you
through the minefield of possible consequences.
It is much better that we find out when it first occurs –
or when you first meet with us – than it is for us to find out during
delicate negotiations when we could have easily dealt with it in a less
critical atmosphere.
We understand that you need to talk with others and that
you need to “heal” from all the things that have (and are) happening in
your relationship. We suggest you talk with your existing network of
friends and that you seek help with a good psychologist or social worker
who is qualified in grief and divorce counseling. If you need a referral,
we work closely with many good mental health professionals who are sensitive
to the needs of people involved in domestic relations matters.
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